If you're ever in Seattle we should Fuck. Or get coffee, whatever.
OMFG, I'm seriously about to get fairly unpolite with this guy.
Wow. I bet he's shakin' in his boots.
alcohol turns me into mario batali of easy mac
Nothing screams don't date me louder then having your baby as your profile pic
You're the only person i know who can laugh and talk while puking
Everytime I walk into a bathroom at school that I've taken a pregnancy test in I get a little bit nostalgic....
sometimes you just have to pull up your panties, blow a kiss to the security camera and walk out of the alley like nothing happened.
Wait, is this the kid that tried catching a bat in your backyard with a flashlight and a ball of tin foil?
Just ate a chocolate chip cookie upside down. This is what having a degree does for you.
third nipple confirmed
Sitting in bed reading a porn novel off my phone and accidentally just made Siri start reading the most graphic part aloud. FUN FIRST NIGHT WITH THE NEW ROOMIE.
Me and my bruised tit have to wake up at 4 AM.
gave out my moms phone number instead of mine last night... thattttttttttttttt dunk.
You kept shouting about how you were the king of all bitches...and doors, for some reason.
Just a heads up that Dad just brought home a new Porsche and the sales girl he bought it from.
Umm okay. What are they doing?
They’re in the hot tub
Can I get divorced when I grow up?
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