That cute girl I hooked up with last night clawed my back to hell and gave me a hickey. I look like a white trash warewolf victim
I'm so bored, I can only pretend that this truck is a spaceship for so long.
He walked in, tore open the drawer, pulled out a condom, and slammed it shut. He was that ready.
Eventually the creepy theater major quirks will come out. Probably in bed. Like role playing as the Phantom of the Opera
He's spent his last 3 years working at Urban Outfitters. No, I'm not sad I missed out on a life of mustaches, the dollar menu and shitty scarves.
This is your liver's 7:15 wake up call. Mandatory margarita popsicles after work today. Rule #71: no excuses, play like a champ!
I kind of drew a blank when the doctor asked me how I got super glue up my nose.
I just took my birth control with a water bottle I found in my purse with vodka in it in Spanish class. 10am is still too early for me.
I got kicked out of the hotel after wandering into the banquet kitchen at 2am trying to find the shrimp....so we're power napping in the car and then driving to madison.
i just smoked marajunia from a shotgun barrell. what have you done today?
You know getting black out drunk at a cats birthday party should have been my lowest point drinking wise but some how I feel like last night was some how worse
Oh damn it. Let me get a beer. I can't take anymore bad news. Hold on.
It got weird the panthers lost and we started throwing wings at one another
He fucks strippers and doesn’t have a life plan. Of course I’m going to regret this
I’ve got full Covid immunity, blonde hair and great tits! I’m basically unstoppable
Randomize
