also referred to as T.P.S. (Toddler Penis Syndrome)
I just want you to know IcyHot in the ear is weird. Don't ask.
She's thinkin about havin beer pong at her reception... She's walkin a fine line between trashy and the best idea ever
And he probably thinks I'm in love with him but after three shots of Patron you love anything
I don't know which part of you thought this was funny but it's fucked up to wake up in that much fluff and now we don't have a couch. Fuck you.
There's not an emojicons for I think I ripped my asshole and want to die.
I think he's hit rock bottom. You know it's a low point in life when you cry because you weren't invited to sit in a box car and watch porn with two other straight dudes.
Based on my body hair location, my ancestors had very cold hamstrings and very warm chests
I'm back in the dating scene now... Since the legality issue calmed down. And my stalking charges were dropped.
I would steal a car if I knew it had wheat thins in it
is it necessary to steal the whole car?
I went to the bar without a bra on pretty sure you can go to Taco Bell drive thru with no pants
A stranger came up to me, pointed at my drink and asked what it tasted like and proceeded to chug half of it and then walked away.
His favorite positions involve choking me out. I'm marrying him.
I don't know. Seeing the vagina stretched out beyond normal proportions is like watching your favorite superhero die.
at the hospital. Kevin drank straight from the river
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