It was just pointed out to me in a meeting that there is a lipstick stain on my crotch.
I know they r crazy. However porn on a big screen is an easy commitment. They come with mute, stop, fast fwd and replay buttons. if only all women came that way...
Have u ever been so drunk that pissing urself felt like a better idea than walking to the bathroom? I entered those waters last night
don't worry, your friend will b fine, they treat virgins nicely around here
There are drunk kids outside our building hugging that cop that's always on his bike as he's citing them for public drunkenness. It's not even 11 am.
did i paint my nails blue or do i need to make a trip to the ER?
I shouldn't trust a guy I just met with the pull out method. That's a big responsibility.
Thou shall not celebrate other people's birthdays as if they were thy own
We were dancing and she was clawing my stomach like a fat kid getting to a half broken pinata.
Want to come over? I'm getting stoned and watching Netflix and making s'mores over a candle in my room
I CAN CONTROL MY GERBIL WITH MY BREATH. HE FOLLOWS THE SMELL. PROBABLY WOULDNT BE AS EXCITING IF I WASNT HIGH OFF MY ASS, BUT STILL
You went into the shower with my roommate and cursed him out asking why he was there
Also.. The Hobbit does not look like a cartoon. We were just too fucking high.
I can show you the world. Shining, splimbering vaginaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa
I went next door to get a can opener from them. They opened the door shirtless, asked me if I wanted to a smoke a joint with them. Then decided to make blueberry smoothies. But the yogurt in the blender & the berries, got confused when the berries blended into the yogurt and just kept adding more. Only stopped when we ran out of berries.
Randomize
