so evidently yelling "gay" everytime your bf tells you how he feels is cause for breakup. news to me
When I meet a new girl, I'm terrified of mentioning something she hasn't already told me but that I have learned from some light internet stalking.
Just put the gallon of milk in the microwave. Dad might know im high.
He started crying and showing me pictures of his ex. she was really pretty. It's an honor to have shared a penis with her.
You have proved your worthiness to join me on the quest of taking shots at every academic building on campus by showing up drunk to our test at 12:30 today
Yeah.. he went to Tebow in the middle of the crosswalk and got hit by a cab... The yellow ones really don't stop
Meant to have fun, ended up giving speech about consent to guy at bar. Feminist side feels happy. Orgasms side feels confused and betrayed.
He hasn't texted me back since last week when we sexted. I think telling him I wanted to choke him with chains was a bit much for our first time.
Hey, I'm off work. Wanna take a metric fuckton of adderall, possibly get daydrunk, and get my hair cut?
Showed up to family party blacked out and in a turkey costume. I'd say thanksgiving was a success.
i want george washington to fuck me as hard as he can holy shit
i don't know what it is about you being around kids that makes me want to screw your brains out
That is the creepiest and also the sexist thing you've ever said
i think it's like a sexual celebration of not having kids
you were huddled over the toilet, throwing up, and every few seconds you'd look up and say "this is such a waste of vodka" then put your head back down and start puking again
Alcohol. Making me feel good about myself since 2008
Can you come over?
Sex??
Sure but there’s also a squirrel in my garage I need you to take care of.
Randomize
