i just fell asleep at my computer and i woke up and in the google bar it said delicious foods to eat
eating raw peppers to burn the taste of semen out of my mouth
stripped for him at 3am on my childhood playground and used the swing set as a pole.
If you're that baked in a class full of people that know you're that baked you tend to offer up a peace offering. Its like the burrito of trust! If eaten you are now obligated to help maintain my grades and keep me from falling out of my chair. $3.75 a morning is worth it for that mafia type protection!
It has become abundantly clear why you give me pixie stix when you're drunk now...
From russia with love. But also with chlamydia.
Also, they sell weed-chocolate covered strawberries. For the romantic stoner.
That was one of the best texts I got today
Seeing your one night stand on campus never gets less awkward. Why is Subway the only good place to eat?
I'm surprised, it's been so long you must be starving
At a certain point, the zombie-like hunger goes away. Then the sadness sets in. Then you start lying to yourself that you're taking some "me time." Then you remember you dodged chlamydia and Buddha knows what else. Then you're at peace with it.
I have the best idea for a new business. It's going to be called "Lamb-Scape". We are going to cut lawns using lambs. You just put 5 or 6 on a lawn and they eat the grass #allnatural
YOU SAID YOU WERE OUT OF POT
..........
We just stood there eating chocolate chip pancakes, watching you sleep on the bathroom floor.
What do you take me for? I'm not trying to lure you into bed with stories of my dead aunt.
YOURE ABOUT TO SEE SO MUCH UNCIRCUMCISED DICK
Can I just keep holy water in the night stand next to the vibrator?
Don't send me pics of cunning dicks while I'm eating potato chips
You have thirteen minutes to get here if you want to get back together. Otherwise I'm getting digits from the waitress.
Randomize
