I didn't slap you in the face. TEQUILA slapped you with my hand...
I just saw a homeless man dressed as a pirate. I love san francisco.
He was on Keeping Up with the Kardashians it was like a deed from god to bang him
Okay now that I've been wanting to eat these hot cheetos in the bathroom, I know it's time I need to stop smoking and go to sleep.
I've already made the "blackout on move in day" decision
Well I checked the bush outside his apartment building this morning, and he wasn't there... So I knew he was home.
Well since your going through her phone..look man she loves you..she just loves my dick more
Who wrote "the chamber of secrets has been open, enemies of the heir beware" across my bathroom wall?
"DO YOU LIKE FLYING KITES" WORKED AS A PICKUP LINE. SUCK IT.
Talking to her is like watching "Bad Life Choices: The Movie"
We were on a plane, I couldn't just grab his dick
pretty sure I blew his mind with the sex last night. He repaid me with a five minute conversation about power rangers.
She's got Mike in the bathroom. He's covered in meat.
I didn't have time to wash my hair yesterday. Ended up spraying some Febreeze on it.
Will you be doing the frenzied booty dance of passionate ownage on my penis tonight
Randomize
