i wanted to iron the shorts i'm wearing. but i'm high and lazy. so i'm using my hair straightener. in bed.
i don't mind that he's uncut. i like it! it's like a little sweater!
a cock doensn't need a sweater! especially a skin sweater! wtf.
That's like some buffalo bill hannibal lector shit.
i was concerned by what you said you would do for a snickers. It wasn't even a Klondike bar.
Sometimes to bang a cougar u gotta play wii With her kids
I don't know what you drank last night but you really enjoyed the 4 egg body shots.
I still don't know why you took that job... it sounds miserable
not having any beer money sounds even more miserable
i need to start using my dry humping skills. i was dry humping champion in 7th grade
this is getting really bad. i thought the chandelier in the dining room was one of those claws from the claw games in an arcade and i spent the past five minutes jumping left to right so the claw wouldn't grab me
Tis the season to puke in grandma's bathroom
Dude she gave you head while I was in the closet, we've passed the "awkward" phase.
I have bruises all over from falling so much last night, I even have bruises on my arms from them picking me up off the street.. Oh vodka nights.
Abort mission; I repeat: Abort mission.I found an attractive one.
I might be offended if you don't bang me tomorrow. You know, for America.
I remember climbing onto your table and singing"tequila tequila" into your candlesticks. I apologize.
How do you explain to your mom that you let your friend stab you in the leg while drunk and high on coke?
Randomize
