Mr. Last Night just informed me I told him to be very quiet when he left this morning and high-fived him as a goodnight kiss. Drunk me is slutty and manly.
I bet there is no greater pleasure in life than pistol whipping people.
Anal.
It's been five and a half years since she and my brother stopped dating. I feel like that's a long enough grace period. Going for it.
well, I suppose if I had to pick a penis to represent the american public, yours would be it
Look what our sorority has done to us...we're hitting on girls in hopes of getting an awesome little.
I wouldn't take my shot so you poured it on my face. Twice.
not much just sitting outside his bathroom door naked eating cheetoes. You?
Woke up in my underwear and Christmas sweater. Only. Eggnog has won the battle but not the war.
AFTER I licked the bald guys head they told me we weren't playing
It's like weed even makes my glasses better. Everything is so bright and clear and beautiful!
Your exhaustion is probably due to your rampant sexual urges and the fact that you live the same life as a raccoon.
Nothing quite like walking through a spider web on your way back in from smoking to fuck up a perfectly good high.
Apparently, the Mormons have taken over airports. I was told by a befuddled looking clerk I couldn't buy a beer with breakfast before 6am.
I blasted the Halloween Before Christmas soundtrack last night so my roommate wouldn't hear me having sex. Needless to say the sex got a little weird.
You were out of control then you fell asleep on his lap for 30 min and woke up civil. Way to powernap to sobriety!
Randomize
