cant believe you said you would bone perez hilton
i said paris hilton
thats even worse
There are Star Wars cutouts in his basement. Obi Wan Kenobe watched me give him a handjob.
I just saw a black chick with an eyepatch. This is a once in a lifetime opportunity.
His car is rigged up like the cash cab how am i supposed to not sleep with him
Im about to get a baby alligator stoned, what are you doing with your life?
Okay. So my choices are the sleeping Guy who looks about twelve and a man that looks like he was the original sandman. Im gonna need a beer for this......
Who replies to a drunk text at 6am that's like against the rules of being a designated drunk text receiver
I'm so high that I'm intently watching my neighbor move his car back and forth in order to put his motorcycle in the garage, and getting irritated that it seems so complicated.
She jumped on a table and took off her shirt and started yelling things that no one understood. For being 3, she has a dead on impression of a drunk party girl.
Naked chocolate chip pancake making. I just spilled mix all over the place. My boobs are covered in flour. This is not going well.
You have 4 bottles of kahlua in ur drawers but no sox
She ordered an O'douls. That was the end of that date
Just told my roommate about "analvice" and she is horrified and the Sound of Music is ruined.
The tamale guy is fucking with me, I wanna sleep in he wakes me up; early wake-n-bake and he's late and I'm hungry
is 250 jello shots considered an open container?
Randomize
