My mom says you aren't allowed to eat doritos at my house
I was watching truelife I'm transgendered. This tranny already got a date a week after getting a vagina. I've had a vagina my entire life and can't get a date.
i seriously just saw a stripper from last weekend walk into the classroom next to me!!
I have absolutely nothing sober to say to you.
He's got a pretty small dick but he's a total sweetheart. I'm gonna buy a new dildo and just deal with it.
I took us ten minutes to realize the shower sex going upstairs was the reason the kitchen ceiling was flooding.
Let's paint friendship bongs
you stumbled up the stairs in your heels, pulled 23 one-dollar bills out of your bra and then went and puked in the toilet. didnt say a single thing to me the whole time
She roared AMY HORNEY and hulk hoganed her shirt off. Fuckin marriage time bro
I CRIED after phone sex. Am I gay?
Half way through sex he whispered in my ear, " your the second best I've ever had" then proceeded to tell me to sit on his face.
What the hell do you have that is more important than a GIANT WATER SLIDE?
Is it a coincidence that the reminder on my phone to take my birth control is "I'm ready to party" from Bridesmaids?
So I got a text from him saying "jacking off...thinking of you" I think I'm going to get a restraining order
THERE IS JIZZ ON MY CEILING. HOW THE FUCK IS THERE JIZZ ON MY CEILING
Randomize
