Ross. Joey. Chandler. Who would you do?
New low: just hacked my moms facebook
Wearing a Sarah Lawrence sweatshirt is like wearing a shirt that says, "I'm getting a degree in substitute teaching."
two more shots til everyone in this club gets to see my cesarean scars.
He smothers me through text. I can't even image what he'd be like in person.
Just set a new record on Need For Speed at the arcade. Had to enter Tiger Woods as the name.
Hate the very realistic pregnancy dreams. Like my dream when I birthed the pirate ships. SO REAL...
Would you feed me pudding while my fake tan dries?
He said and I quote "Had to beat one off in the Burger King bathroom before I went over." Thats somebody that takes pride in his work.
As yoda would say; A bitch, she is.
Omg that was my second thought of the morning.
First was that we had pop tarts.
You left me a message at 3am crying because you just found out there's a Paddington Bear statue in Peru.
I grabbed the pretzel bag with my toes last night. I think that day of yoga had paid off.
her nickname was handjob. I knew what i was getting into.
I just made out with his twin, technically it's the same person..... Right?
Randomize
