SECOND walk of shame from the westside Hilton, SECOND foreign family w kids staring at me in my dress, glitter purse, spiky heels and booze breath. I said I was going to church. More confusion.
He told me he had never done that before...I responded with "clearly"
i told him he had the best dick i've ever seen. then supposedly i kept repeating "peter piper picked the perfect penis"
I popped a zit on your vagina. Don't say I never loved you.
I probably shouldn't have followed up that rainbow sherbet with beef jerky. This is a whole new level of fat, even for me.
I know it's early but when you wake up can you please validate my life and tell me I'm not just a drunk idiot.
Occasionally I curse my inner 15 year old when I'm fulfilling their dreams as a slut, but I roll with it.
I actually bought food at McDonald's as an apology for what I was about to do to their bathroom.
I put my hydrocodone prescription in my cereal box its like real lucky charms
Don't blame me. I told you I didn't know if I had a key to those hancuffs.
He showed me a picture of his baby hamsters and I called them "Mammal McNuggets"
The night went downhill when he took his pants off at our table and walked up to women saying "Special delivery"
Just caught myself checking an online porn site while in a strip club. Might have a problem.
Well then she has to know whoever you were kissing was in overalls because that's not a detail you just leave out.
I'm supposed to be at work in 10 min, I just woke up and am 45 min away...tinder for the win
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