if pee wee herman would have taken a snuggie to the movies he wouldnt have gotten caught
No, he grudge fucked my ex so I wouldn't be tempted to get back with her. He is either the worst or best friend ever.
he opened the microwave and beer cans poured out
I'm either watching Fifth Element or Hotel Rwanda. There's black people and white people and high life tall boy 18 packs are $11.99 so I could be watching my own hand. I have no idea.
Is puking blood really that bad of a sign? Can we pretend this is okay?
It's okay.
No its cool, because I bought a handle of tequila earlier, in case things went south
He just told me he's been drinking vodka at work all day. I'm starting to believe in soul mates.
It just hurt to pee because he was fingering for fucking gold in there.
Good news. Hiccups are gone. Bad news. I had to set the bathroom rug on fire to get rid of them. Don't come home until the fire truck leaves.
The walk home lasted longer than the sex. He lives in the flat above the bar.
The part of "Dave" will now be played by "Rob." Rob, why don't you unzip and show Dave why that is.
She's really sweet and cute, but when she drinks, she becomes way too proud of her bush.
Now with the essential back story, I can empathize. Sorry about your beer and butthole.
She lured me back to her place with pizza and tits. I was totally helpless
A dozen naked frat boys in squirrel masks just ran by. Welcome to the official start of the holidays.
Randomize
