i can't put facebook on my resume under hobbies.
If Curt Schilling could pitch a game with that blood-filled sock... if Tiger Woods won the 2008 US Open with a torn ligament, then I'd be an embarrassment to the human race if I couldn't manage to at least jerk him off even if I was still crying after he put it in my butt.
well as your friend its only fair to offer my cock for your services. Cause I care.
Bro, there is a rent-a-cop selling syringes out of the trunk of his car. This is why I hate the DMV.
Just heard the words 'Pussy Riot' on NPR...I almost crashed my car.
I want to lick his teeth again. Is that a creepy thing to say?
Apparently coming home smelling like I took a bath in beer is frowned upon in this household. I'm so glad I don't actually live here.
female sloths literally scream when they want sex and can be heard up to 700 meters away
i think i might be a female sloth
We're like adult pinky and the brain when they decided that taking over the world is unrealistic so they aim lower by trying to get drunk every day.
It was easier that asking where the vagina platter is.
I think I maybe realized he was too old for me when I went into his bathroom and he had anti aging face cream.
If I die on my walk home, please come claim the body. There is $30 in my left shoe for you....for pizza
Im going to the gym...covered in the Brazilians cum
And how is that different than any other weeknight in your world
Apparently "Welcome to the Sin Cave" is not how I'm supposed to answer the door
There’s an entire generation of people out there who didn’t grow up watching Mr. Rogers and it shows. These Boomers need to get their shit together.
Randomize
