You don't have asthma, your pregnant
Woke up with feathers in my hair. at work. still drunk. sooo awkward.
if only i could text you this smell
If it was for sex do you really think i would asking for a mass vote? I'm like fidel castro when it comes to sex. No public approval needed.
JOY: That feeling when you crack open a handle for the first time, and the flow limiter comes off with the cap.
I blacked out for most of the day but apparently I still met with my prof. I made notes...
Why can't people give useful wedding gifts...like sex swings or Nutella?
How does a law student 15 days away from graduation prepare for a pass fail final? Drinking beer, eating thick cut bacon, and watching game of thrones, that's how
Still dying that you shit outside
How do I cancel buying spotify premium for two homeless people?
Like if Ohio doesn't think I can get smashed on wine I will gladly prove them wrong
Please come to class. I miss you and I have a horse mask
he's so hot I'd consider breaking the whole, "till death do us part," agreement he's currently in
I complemented his smile, he sends me a dick pic. Seriously?
Stumbled out of my bed this morning into the bathroom at 8 am still drunk, obviously. The Mormon on my floor was in the bathroom. I could practically hear her doing hail marys for me.
Randomize
