I never Thought the day id see a chick shove a 2liter up her vag. that happened last night
Just sold a bike on craig's list for 4 four lokos and a 40. How bad do you miss college?
CONGRATS VODKA, YOU WON RHIS TIME..
broke the door off of my fridge tryin to have a indoor rodeo
Pizza delivery...for when you need to eat your feelings for the sex you aren't having
I got a 5/5 with my "I don't want a baby" rant essay. She said my use of the word "leeches" was a powerful metaphor :)
Thanks for putting up with my drunk friend last night. Its all fun and games till someone pukes macaroni under your fridge.
At this point, I'd date an ax murderer. So long as he doesn't cry all the time, have ED, or leave me with his unspayed cat. My list of requirements is becoming increasingly specific.
When she tells her friend, "hey I'll be back tomorrow, just going to fuck a guy", right in front of you, you know you've got a winner.
You texted me the words "butt stuff" 53 times in a four hour period last night.
I'm bathroom at buffalo wild wings
I think incapable of making pants work send help
Is it a problem if I'm trying to condition Goodbye Horses to trigger an erection?
did the thing where I quickly swipe right to every girl on Tinder & matched with my sis. God I hope swiping carelessly is hereditary
He kept apologizing that the nerve damage makes him take a while to finish. Meanwhile he gave me 3 orgasms and a leg cramp
Only you could benefit from a reckless driver
God knew I'd have horrible taste in men, so made me asexual to ensure I'd never fuck them.
Randomize
