I am going to be in the room whjen you have your first child and spit on its face before its even all the way out of you.
Eww. Jon Gosselin got both his ears pierced.
He looks like a bad one night stand.
I'll probably hate you when I'm sober
in the 'for' section of the check i put "when we got drunk and broke things". again im sorry.
All she said was "the usual?" and unzipped my pants.
And by hung out you mean you were in my bed for 5 minutes while your penis was in my mouth.
stop calling me dude. finger blasting me officially kills you being able to call me dude.
Did you know that scruff feels epic on boobs especially when they are covered in whip cream?
I went down on her for 35 minutes and didn't even get a handy. I've never felt more desire to be gay in my life.
Also, I've found a new way to get drunk at work for free. Everytime I make a bushwhacker and there's extra... I put it in a cup. Its the Never ending drink.
My saliva right now is around 7.6% alcohol/volume.
Well after we were arrested you just kept chanting "Like a good neighbor state farm is there"
But I've also made plans to crash a black tie event wearing a storm trooper helmet. I think I've found the love of my life..
I told him it was fine and then I keyed his car.
Yelled "don't taze me bro" as the police officer tazed me. Cross it off the list.
Randomize
