What do you do when the person in the stall next to you says they're jealous?
She has an incinerator in her basement. Have you ever incinerated used condoms?
Lmao what?
It's a yes or no question.
Just woke up to find myself cooking eggs on the imaginary stove in my room.
If I won't even leave the house for sex tonight. I definetly not going out for anything else.
maybe next time you'll take an ex boyfriend warning you that she's batshit crazy as a warning instead of a challenge
We're trying to decide between cracker barrel an the ER
shes the kind of girl that would cock block endangered pandas
Maybe it was silver. I don't know. I was drunk sifting through my dogs vomit.
So we get back to the hotel room and Tom strips off his clothes... His first sexual act as my fiance? Helicopter dick. I gave him a high five.
woke up to a case of keystone on my porch when I went to bed at seven that morning.. I think it's someone's peace offering for getting my roommates car towed
Well I took a spicy wing shit in a field this morning.
I was "singing along to the Lego Movie" high. Everything was not awesome
Every time we have sex, I feel his dick ramming my soul into submission. Problem is..... I LIKE THAT SHIT!
For some reason she gave me a handjob. It was all very confusing
you tried to make the parrot smoke your joint
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