Have you ever seen a 300 pound pregnant lady's boob fall out of her shirt cuz she's not wearing a bra? I have.
i take joy in having bigger boobs than others
I look like a sausage in jean shorts, you should have woken up earlier and approved my outfit.
her orgasm sounded like a fucking walrus crying.
I thought he was joking about bailing you out until I saw the picture of you and the sheep in the morning paper. Were those my boots you had on it
An attempt at squeezing a tomato to make a bloody mary just says desperation all over it....
whatever happens this semester dont let me be that girl yacking in the urinal. again.
No, the weekend was great. It was the waking up in the pond in the raft without an oar that sucked. That fucking water is cold at 7am.
I lull them into a false sense of security with my gayness. Then when they're vulnerable, I strike, like a snake. A big non-gay snake, with huge balls.
KEG. KEG. THE OPERA HAS A KEG. KEG STAND IN A TUX. AFTER PARTY RAVE AND KEG STANDS.
my dad is now demonstrating how to start a fire with a tampon. happy fucking new year!
you said "this ones for the homies" and proceeded to pour the shot into your other cup instead of the ground b/c "good liquor is not meant to wasted no matter the circumstances"
He picked me up in the very car he devirginized me in, his moms toyota.
now to finish some work and then i think i'll work out. or garden. or at the very least I'll continue eating frozen grapes and take more drugs
We're going to get naked and build a fort instead. HAPPY NEW YEAR!
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