So apparently I told him I was off to go "whore skipping" and I disappeared into the night skipping down the street. I know this because there's video.
The kid in front of me is videochatting and typing to his gf. I should make poop/sex faces over his shoulder, right?
I am scared. I picture you doing a keg stand on a sinking ship with hula girls cheering you on. Please text me when you get back to shore...or now would be good
i can't find my house
we droppd you off right in front! i even walked you to the steps less then 3 mins ago.
i'm pretty sure my house moved.
Blowjobs in the shower are a lot like blowjobs not in the shower. Awesome.
hey, do you know how many packets of jello it takes to turn a handle of vodka into slutty girls?
Did I crawl through the hotel lobby all the way to our room?
I forgot how wholesome of a place a park is when youre not drinking there.
I'm going to shower the piss off me now. I feel like I was in an R. Kelly dream.
I was so exhausted I thought about using my deep throat spray to stop my coughing.
Romney sounds like a middle school girl and that creepy ass smile makes me want to close my blinds
I just messaged a senior at Harvard and told him to 'tinder me softly'
there was a goddamn geisha at house. my dick feels more cultured.
He nicknamed his dick "the fountain of youth" I think it's time to move on...
I am become drunk, destroyer of all worlds
Randomize