i have it on good authority that she is not as good at giving head as she claims she is
Dancing like a fucking crazy person to jai ho with a snow ball in her hand. Snow days make her go nuts.
i wish i could tell you the night didnt begin with me drinking alone
Pretty much knew it was gonna be awful when the extra condoms she had from her ex were entirely too big for my dick
And I'm PMSing. So if I'm not crying, I'm masturbating.
3 things. 1) we need alcohol 2) we need alcohol 3) we need tortilla chips. Let's make a plan. Bro shakes and salsa.
If man night ends at some point, hit me up and let me prove my vagina still exists.
I just crashed on my couch and have no intention of ever getting up again
I will be over with a bedpan and beer
That's what he gets for shittin at the strip club. Who does that??
I woke up in a tow truck cuddling plan b. Can you pick me up?
Got high again and all I want to do is wave this flag around
He made me tacos after the sex. Best date ever!
If you're doing something that makes your best friend lock you in a bathroom you shouldn't be doing it
ED guy's penis finally worked last night. It was a Festivus miracle!
Best part though was when he wanted to cuddle and I was like, I'm going to go.
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