it seems as if every mistake i've ever made in life i've had an errection in one hand and a bud light in the other
I'm convinced her vagina is similar to chernobyl, but I want to visit it for the novelty value anyway.
She looks like an uncircumcised penis in a hat.
Hey guess what I got for Valentine's day? Debt and blue balls.
He'd bedazzaled his ass. Im not even that gay...
come over, blizzard of oz party. dress up.
I asked him if his doormat had a name, then proceeded to sit on it for the next 30 minutes while signing that magic carpet ride song from aladdin.
whose ass print is on the piano?
Suddenly I feel like all I did this summer was have sex in our apartment
This is how my night is going so far. The bartender bought our last two rounds and I'm chasing a bee around the bar with a foam bat.
Imma do me. And by that, I mean I'm going to walk across campus still drunk at 9am on a Tuesday.
Am I not being subtle enough by giving him a rainbow striped bong, during PRIDE MONTH?
Either I think of sex like a man, or all the men in Vegas are women.
Shaving your bikini line at 11 at night in the Walmart bathroom feels trashy no matter why you're doing it.
Last night a drunk chick tried to lick me. If you are trying to lick the zombies, you are too drunk for the haunted house.
Randomize
