im too high. i could barely wash my hair, let alone handle a whole shower
I just found out my birth date is Pick Your Poison Day. Goodbye, conscience, forever. I was born to live like this.
Dude I need help. What word is complimentary, but sounds like "chunky"?
whoooo knowwsss what george of the jungle juice is but i feel like im in the promised land
He ran five blocks just to watch me and my best friend make out. I think he's a keeper.
I FUCKING SERVED PEOPLE AND POURDED JUGS AND GOT FREE BEEEEEEEERERTERRY
I thought turtle was a code word for weed until he pulled out a baby turtle from his pocket and said "$20 for a turtle"
no dont worry i changed into my costume in the hospital bathroom
In the middle of me riding him, he stopped me and said "You're the kind of person who would be restrained for being obnoxiously drunk on an airplane, huh?"
idk man, I was fucked up and eating fried rice at the grocery store, tried to wave at her but she just looked concerned at me.
I can see the future and your future is full of penis
He skipped an important family function with his dying father to fuck me. Terrible human, amazing fuck buddy.
apparently i came home last night raving about goats and singing songs from muppet treasure island
I shall relish in being the most basic of bitches
its like my accent is a device for a 100% chance of sex every time i leave the apartment. i love being english in this country.
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