I may just buy something cuz i have 6 weddings in the next year and a half.
Holy shittt I don't even have a bf
She's JV to your varsity
We just followed a woman home because she looked like Jeff Goldblum. Turns out she lives in a trailer park.
Promise me that if I become one of those sad people that facebook pesters you to 'reconnect with' you'll tell me so I can delete mine and save myself the humiliation?
The only thing the cop asked me is..... "how are you still alive"?
I have vodka an food stamps. At some point today, that will undoubtedly turn into jello shots.
Lol I just left. He's funny and he's cute. Downside: he thinks he can outdrink us
would you say our friendship is at the "help each other shave animal patterns in each other's pubes" phase?
This is the point in ur life where u should realize there's nothing left but a spiral of shame
I should but I don't. All I see is an escalator of success
those were not strange pants with a really large waist band...it took me 3 days to realize I was wearing someone's sweater as pants
Evvvvvveryone knows we hooked up in the DJ booth. People call it the BJ booth now. I've created a legacy
This was the first time I've ever pushed myself until I vomited. Sorry, random couple laying on a dock at 8:30am. I would have picked a better spot so you didn't have to watch/listen to me vomit, but you guys were being MAD quiet. I had no idea you were there.
Dude I'm at a Marijuana dispensary party. They are giving away BAGS of edibles
How do you keep ending up in these situations?
My dad is their accountant
Random question, what's John-that-we-had-a-threesome-with's phone number? Don't necessarily need the full number, maybe just area code? Think I drunkenly ran into him last night and now I have texts from a John.
He's on the porch naked. Help.
Randomize
