I thought she would fill the void you created. Turns out she thought I just wanted to fill hers.
he just fed my chickens on farmville...i guess that's his way of saying thanks for the sex<3
Mother nature decided I wasn't going to be a whore today. Fuck her.
She had a maple leaf tattoo behind her ear and told me she liked my "playoff beard".
Only in Canada would your laziness be applied to hockey and rewarded.
She forgot my birthday again. How do you forget something that came out of your vagina???
You've got more to offer than just money. Come on. You have an awesome rack.
I had a dream that we erected a stage in our living room for "impromptu performances" how can we make this a reality?
I feel like I shouldn't have to explain to you why giving your cat weed was a bad idea.
I hit a child with a fudge sickle from a moving vehicle after he flipped me off, I feel like a God. Tell no one. My partner didn't see it.
So this is my life now? Laying in bed texting about Hulk penis?
Would love to dress up in respectable attire and take you out somewhere nice and then do disgusting crude things in public
What is it about fresh air and wanting to talk about penises
So my ex just asked for my address to send me his wedding invitation... in Europe. Awesome.
That’s basically a green light to fuck his dad
you said, "the pool was totally tequila. and i left my shoe halfway across town. and by shoe i mean car" it appeared to me that you didn't have your shoes or car.
He literally shouted this Viking war cry when he cam. Then as we laid there he sang me the most beautiful rendition of " When Irish Eyes are Smiling". I've never been more confused.
Randomize
