I really wish I could go back in time to change the course of events that led to me sitting on the internet at 3 Googling 'Traumatic masturbation' while talking to you about failed dates, and running a virtual restaurant in a video game.
worst morning ever. completed my walk of shame home to find my parents, grandma, and priest had come down to surprise me on my birthday. now i'm in the car with them to go get my car from the bar.
I just want you to know IcyHot in the ear is weird. Don't ask.
I just don't understand how a line to ride a camel on a college campus could be too long for you to wait in.
koolaid chicken. i marinated it for 2 hours and roasted it on a rock in a fire. it was bright blue and raw. but that shit was tasty
as much as i want to say no i cant cause i need the trophy wife training
I hope there's a soldier with a Bedazzler just going to town right now.
The walk of shame out of a freshman dorm isn't so bad when you're 25, nobody questions you because they think youre gonna bust them for having weed
you 2 were alone in the living room and the dog walked in and you started yelling what are all these people doing in here
Does buying my brother condoms for Christmas say "keep having sex with her, I like her" or "dear god, do not get this girl pregnant"?
Hey, I'm off work. Wanna take a metric fuckton of adderall, possibly get daydrunk, and get my hair cut?
The bachelor party was supposed to stay local but I think were in mexico.
sometimes a perk of being a drug dealer is amazon gift cards. who knew?
I like it here so far, only people are a lot less accepting of my terrible decisions and it's cramping my style
I remember 2 things. 1. Hanging through the window. 2. And she needing a bucket to puke in. That’s all. I have no other memory.
Randomize
