So I thought I was slick leaving his room this morning all incognito. Little did I know I was wearing his football jersey with his name across the back... stilettos & my bra was left behind. never seeing that again
I wish you could see the look on my boss's face right now.
wtf?
Before you passed out in the middle of the NHL 10 party you had to prove that you were a better fighter than Patrick Kane. Your not. Thanks for the black eye dipshit.
I love Japanese schoolgirls with short skirts riding bikes on windy days.
You're never coming back, are you?
And now that i don't feel so bad because you're not pregnant the $15 for the pregnancy test I bought would be appreciated
As we were fooling around he told me he was conceived on this bed like it would turn me on.
if you spike my cofee one more time im gona fuck you up. im presenting to the mayor in sevven fucking minuets. fuck you and youir fucking bartending classses i am so fuckign fcked
best. trip. ever. this is going to be too much fun. petland isnt going to know what hit them.
You don't care if I shave my legs, but you insist I be conscious for sex. Whatever. I really think your priorities are out of whack.
feelin groggy baby? need a coffee? vitamins? a nice good fuck on the piano?
I know, it's just the worst. Also, security almost took the burrito I brought for lunch. I thought I was going to have to pull a Liz Lemon and eat the whole thing before I could go through.
Like 50% of me thinks it'll be weird, 25% of me is curious & 25% of me is horny
Pretty sure I have a sex related back injury. I'm not sure if I should be proud or ashamed.
I'd rather explain to the cops why I'm naked than why I'm drunk.
the gnome is staring at me and the pineapple is wearing shorts. I don't want to do this anymore.
Who the hell tries to steal eggnog.
Randomize
