I was in a gas station that sold tazers and I just saw a billboard that said "Strippers, need we say more?" God I love Georgia!
I saved him in my fone as special pumba. he was just pumba but then he found me drugs
woke up in nothing but a glued-on tiger tail. they used super glue.
I just learned you can mail a coconut. I'll be over in 3 days with the rum.
Spent the last thirty minutes staring at the wall with Leah. It's definitly moving
I wish you could see how much hot sauce and broken glass are in our apartment right now.
Tell me you didn't really piss in the hookah.
Just got convinced to trip sit for a pack of cigarettes and a burrito. Let the games begin
He is currently tell his hat to go free. Like he has it sitting on the table just waiting for it to take off. When he's not looking I'm gonna throw it off the balcony and tell him it's flying
She sat on the toilet backwards so that she could hold onto the back part for balance. No she's not ready to go home.
You rolled onto your side and told me 'this is the recovery position'. That was after you were stoned. You've done this way too much.
Seriously considering modifying my computer case so it can dispense wine. I need to make a bunch of changes and reorganize it's guts anyway....
Thanks. It's every girl's dream, right? To blow a bald marketing consultant 12 years her senior?
I'm making a will, in it I'm leaving you my skull.
Just a reminder- you dropped broccoli in my car and then felt bad for it and named him Henry
I know. I miss henry.
You WHAT?!?!
Paid. A. Homeless. Guy. To. Throw. A. Drink. In. Her. Face.
I fucking love you.
Randomize
