Oh and I watched laurens last episode on the hills. its been an emotional day
Steel Reserve is the RC Cola of alcohol. It's never ok.
I'm going to but the new Playboy with Chelsea Handler on the cover. I'm pretty sure it's the only time buying a Playboy will make me gayer...
I wish my period boobs were my regular boobs.
Dude a guy just showed up with alcohol and a bag of double cheese burgers. I think I found my future husband.
it's like god just wants me to be high for five days in a row. keep the blizzards coming.
Doctor took one look at my penis and said, 'you don't have herpes, you just masturbate too much'
Let's learn from last year: Leave the handcuffs at home on St Patrick's Day.
I realized last night, I never talk dirty in German during sex. How much wasted potential is that?
I flossed his teeth and then we had sex in the bathroom. It just seemed like a good idea.
I just don't remember. It's like I went to bed on July 3rd.. and woke up on the 5th. Nothing.
All I can think about are the cheese it's on my desk at work this morning. Like are those apologetic cheese it's or does he seriously think he still has a shot..
But can mardi gras accurately capture the essence of my tiny rage?
I was too lazy to get my chapstick out of my purse so i lubed up my lips with pizza grease. On a scale of 1-10 how embarassed should i be?
Thanks for not letting me get involved with a serial killer. That's true friendship
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