I just puked in the walgreens aisle buying gatorade and advil for my hangover... i guess i failed
I am drinking ovaltine with peppermint schnapps. My childhood could have been so much better.
yeah my parents were only ten feet away and we somehow managed to do it in five different positions without them noticing
i gave her a can of corn and told her the cabs are accepting non perishable food items over the holidays. blatant lie and she lives like $40 away
I should have taken pre-gaming this lunch date more seriously.
You blinded her by spitting vodka in her eyes, the vodka you had just taken as a body shot off of her.
He's trying to marry me, when is the appropriate time to tell him my real name and that Dallas is a completely fictitious slutty alter ego? I need the advice of someone with morals.
His lack of social graces and moral fiber complements mine nicely.
Trying to roll joints on a seadoo in the middle of a lake on a windy night. -Juststonerthings
I got St Patrick's Day drunk on Friday and apparently ordered a Total Gym in the middle of the night
Why is there a horse in the backyard?
I stayed at my gfs last night. This is all on you.
she said she doesn't remember seeing me at all last night. ...I was with her for six hours, there's no way she could have been blackout the whole time
Theres a handprint of sauce on my fridge, one on my face, and a trail of it leading to my bedroom, and sauce all in my bed, and I have no idea what the fuck i ate.
I have so much to do, no motivation, and Harry Potter is on. You KNOW whats taking priority in my life right now
omg girl... i cut your hair last night. tell me it looks okay!? i saw hair on the counter and i said ohhh nooo
Randomize
