I wish i could clap on, clap off my penis
hes 24 and dating a highschool junior and keeps saying how happy he is. happy about what? her ACT score??
I miss having pregnancy scares ....at least i knew i was having a good time
you kept falling over in mid-conversation and you just got right back up as if nothing happened...
just had amazing sex with a girl I got caught with in second grade playing doctor. her examination is finallllly over
OMG stoned with flashing lights behind me, I was freaking out until I realized I wasn't driving my couch
You better be coming back...your date is passed out in a shrub in my backyard and I'm pretty sure her shirt is on my kitchen floor
I'm in the city buying alcohol. I just got warned by a homeless man on the street that I shouldn't look so pretty "in these parts"
Flaming shots last night. Missing an eye brow. There a connection?
Pounding your chest saying "me Tarzan" is not flirting or even talking
the new numbers in my phone would beg to differ
You are a lesbian wizard with red hair. You are willow
I got into a fight with the dude who fell asleep on my couch bc he wouldn't wake up but managed to get a lunch date set for thurs with another guy by the time he finally left. So how's your day so far?
And tan into my neighbor in the elevator. She was going to the gym. I was covered in mascara and dog hair eating a hash brown
well he never texted me back and the pizza I took my rage out didn't deserve such malice
you know you're drunk when you start breaking down your body composition into organic molecules
Randomize
