you know it is a bad morning when you forget to brush your teeth and eat old gas x in your car because its minty...
she sounds like chewbacca in bed
relax...and go to your happy place, which probably has a lot of dicks
I need a legitimate reason as to why the microwave door is in the shower
I think there was chlamydia in those woods.
What's the appropriate way to phrase "If you ever leave your wife give me a call. But we can still have sex periodically until then."??
Just warning you now f you do not get intoxicated with me in front of the family on thanksgiving we are not related.
I can't wait for you to see these terrible photos I'm about to have taken with some stripper looking girls. I don't know what this photographer is thinking
Ok now a guy in a winnie the pooh costume is grinding on some chick to the song shots
The party got hot, we all started raging, took off some clothes, someone threw me in the shower and we all kept raging. Nude Rager, I was there at the point of conception.
I think I met somebody from your birthday this past weekend. He said I held a push up contest outside the bar and told them I would make out with the winner. He said he won..
we need to invent and abuse teleportation
No, I'm just drunk and was excited cause a hot stranger bought me tacos.
Is it tacky to frame a negative pregnancy test?
Whoever put the life size cut out of Snoop Dog next to me in bed understands me.
Randomize
