God is so good, I would give him a blow job right now.
I may have a concussion but the symptoms are the same as a hangover so I can't tell. Best 21st ever.
His roommate just snorted a line of Smirnoff off the desk. I could really fit in here.
My ex just called and told me that he is on his way to the hospital because he popped a vein in his dick. Should I go to the ER with him or class?
In less than 24 hrs I went from conversing with Nobel Laureate, to hangover vomiting in front of a drive thru cashier
I got carried out by security last night. AND the taxi had to drive up onto the sidewalk to get me i was that drunk.
Is it inception if it feels like another uterus is going to burst out of my current uterus?
I was unconscious Saturday for like 6 hours after I passed out on the sidewalks of our nation's capital. Thank you America, for bottomless brunch.
Dude I'm at a Marijuana dispensary party. They are giving away BAGS of edibles
How do you keep ending up in these situations?
My dad is their accountant
He kept telling me that he didn't serve two tours in Iraq for my bitch ass to drink banana rum.
She took me into the bathroom and force fed me a panini, it was pretty good.
I would say don't do anything I wouldn't do, but we both know I forget about my personal safely when getting laid is on the line
this periodpocalypse needs to be over. I need head
Just sold our expired ticket for a free night of bowling to a drunk guy downtown for 50 bucks. Ill buy beer on my way home
It started off with wine and ended up with me in only my pearls and heels. It was about the classiest sexual experience I've ever had.
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