we put on a show in the hot tub for our boyfriends, then climbed out and both got down on our hands and knees and puked at the same time--still naked.
He was passed out on the floor holding a beer can, rolled over switched hands and never spilled a drop. We need to practice.
dude, you cant keep using "she roofied me" as an excuse to bang all these fat chicks
PS August 29 of last year was when you ran over my foot. Facebook just reminded me.
we're going to drop off one of our cars at the police station tonight so we'll be able to drive home in the morning
You tried to put a condom on my dog, then he ate it.
Can we just discuss how hundreds of miles away we were both beyond drunk and in some boys bed. That is the definition of friendship.
i just told him to get ready, because I'm going to be taking out my anger over the Super Bowl out on his penis.
I blew past the Governor's motorcade going twice the speed limit and DIDN'T get a ticket. God wants me to get laid.
My cat licked the coke mirror and now is giving me dirty looks. Bet money she has the drip.
Earlier today I was eating cookie dough from a tube, now I'm laying naked next to a hot guy watching Pawn Stars in between orgasms. You really can have it all.
Also fuck yeah conspiracy
If I'm getting through this pandemic I'm doing it drunk.
I wasn’t trying, but work got a lot easier and more fun once he starred flirting with me and looking at my ass
I ate at the cafeteria for the first time yesterday and today I think I had an hour long fart.
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