I dont kno what was worse. Waking up 2 a guy next to me thinking I got blackout or realizing it was your boyfriend.
you shoved the noah's ark of animal crakers in your mouth saturday.
i don't think you understand, blowjobs are like flowers for guys.
Ever have a poop and think... that has no business coming out of a human? Like it looks like a sick dog's or a ferral animal's?
Everything's fine I'm just stoned and my pillows are too soft.
Im sleeping in your bed. Sorry for the sand and the noise and the loud people. Im starving
Your blankets are not drunk friendly
I am not ready to suck todays dick. Todays dick just laughed and came on my face.
last night a police horse bit me when i was wasted. even the animal kingdom knows i'm no good
I got laughed at by a homeless guy in a Daniel Boone hat. I have no clue what this means for my day
All I know is that I'm not gonna send out SOS messages via twitter for your rescue this time.
For real, I've been ditched by my boyfriend twice today alone. I fucking shaved for this guy.
Somewhere out there, Gloria Steinem just started to cry.
Nothing like snapchatring dick pics to a\nMarried woman while your girlfriend destroys Taco Bell in the next room. Almost caught, worth it. Got boobs back
Can you send me the pic of me puking with a quesadilla on my shoulder
It's the eve of Christ's birthday and I'm sending pictures of my tits
Only good thing about the 50 Shades is that it is now completely OK to call a credit card co to dispute the charge for nipple clamps that didnt arrive.
Randomize
