yeah she is the one who tells people i beat girls.. which ironically make me want to punch her in the face
In the car with my brother. His CD went from 2pac to Taylor Swift. I'm concerned. It wasn't a mistake, he knows all the words.
what's Bukake?
a bad idea.
she makes me feel like im THAT guy in the taylor swift song
He said I was almost as good as the wheel chair sex he had the night before. Apparently I just cant compete with 4 wheels
just filed my taxes drunk as balls. i may be going to jail.
We'll I told him I wanted to keep it PG last night, but then later I asked him to take his pants off. So i'm guessing it was my fault.
Plus I'm on the toilet and I can only describe it as if someone had kicked the cap off of a fire hydrant.
my dad is now demonstrating how to start a fire with a tampon. happy fucking new year!
I have discovered my latent superpower. If a friend is dating a bi chick they will inevitably try and talk me into a threesome.
we watched a porno and made a drinking game out of it. best first date ever.
He said he "doesnt care at all, really" if I shave my legs or not. Challenge accepted.
So here's a tip: don't give a blowjob the same morning you're going to the dentist. Cuz they will think you have "mouth trauma."
So I told him "To answer your question yes I am naked making pizza pops in your kitchen"
On my way home I saw a car that had "MOVE OVER PLZ" emblazoned across the windshield backwards, so people could see it in their rearview mirror
If I ever drive for Lyft or Uber I'm definitely gonna do that
Randomize
