I'm sad I can't be there is wknd, I'm laying on the beach and daydreaming of you / crying a bit
I'm watching a porn and daydreaming of you. Sounds like we both need Kleenex
don't get me wrong, i like my boss a lot, but not enough to not bang his daughter
My New Years Resolution was to get a girl I dont know pregnant. 8 months later I can check that off the list..
So as she is about to take the walk of shame she flips out. Apparently someone left a brown present in her shoes.
I would really like to get high with Bill Nye. I'm being dead serious. Every step I take is literally a step I take because it will take me closer to Science Guy high.
We could get him to build Inspector Gadget.
I didn't know you were high TOOOO!!!
Everybody was literally kung fu fighting
just as he was about to cum he started shouting "I THINK I CAN! I THINK I CAN!" over and over again.
oh but the power of the cock will take you to places you never been..i flew to hawaii once to sleep witha chick
All i remember is people cheering me on to drink faster than the dog, out of the dog's bowl. I just couldn't stop.
We had sex in the tent after his 6th beer and while we were at it we had conversations with the people outside the tent.
I'm bringing cupcakes to work today as an apology for my actions at the bar last night, my boss probably can't look at me the same ever again
That man deserves a slow clap... He defied the power of the vagina
He stopped me in the middle of a blow job to call his grandma for her birthday.
At least he has family values.
How many of my Tinder dates can my Christian roommate accidentally meet in the hallway at 3am before she's horrified and moves out?
woke up this morning and she was gone. but she left a box of donuts on the counter with a note saying "for all the 'o's you gave me last night"
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