i never knew gatorade would taste just as good on the way back up
She was hit by a car at 47 mph and lived. That explains everything.
I knew I was high when I wanted to write a poem about how great it felt to wash my face
My cab driver just texted me 'goodnight beautiful'. I think my 'desperate for a guy phase' has just moved into a fuck my life phase.
He bought my favorite ceral.. I've guess I've earn the status as one of his regular fuck buddies. I feel honored and proud. His roommates girls don't get this treatment.
Not sure how I feel about St Psts and March Madness being on the same weekend. I feel like I've been screwed out of a drunk holiday.
To be so small, the mini-horses are exceptionally aggressive. And fast. Very, very fast.
Abort! Abort! He almost bit off a finger!
Once you mention butt plugs, conversations always take a turn for the worst.
Ok well hopefully you're not staging an intervention for me at your place because I'm bringing beers
He said he would pay my bar tab if he couldn't answer my question. He lost to the age old question of our youth. Why did pogs go out of style.
My brother didnt wanna sleep with her because she was my friend. Did I miss the memo where we're not supposed to be fucking each others friends? Oh well too late.
I need a drink. No, several. I need several drinks. Drunk, I need to be drunk. Definitely need to be drunk
No, it's like a legit blood drive. It's not just her out in some parking lot with needles and ziplock bags
Dude, someone puked in my washing machine last night, I tried turning it on to clean it...not a good idea
I just sold Adderall to a priest, im not quite sure how I feel about this situation
Randomize
