So I don't have any furniture but we just skateboard drunk around the floor.
Ryan Ross and Jon Walker left panic at the disco today.
I predict a mass suicide of the 14 year old girl population...
even your uterus rejects him.
apparently my uterus is the smartest part of my body.
I know it is almost summer when the students in my night class start showing up drunk.
i looked up his schedule, waited outside his classroom, and handed him the receipt for plan b
I woke up with a new Tiffanys necklace on. I'm such a classy drunk.
She was holding a turtle doing a beer bong out of a flower watering can.
He likes Jesus. Game over.
Oooh wait, he just told me he was high.
remind me again why lemons and alcohol in the crock pot is a bad idea?
Okay. I really need to get out of this guys bed and get home. It's two in the afternoon. He's not even HERE.
Hillary is trying to make pickle pops with vodka and sell them to kids at the ball park.
I actually haven't slept with anyone in a while. I think my whore phase is just seasonal.
Yeah, I've hit on priests at bars, too. Such a shame, there are a lot of hot men out there who've devoted themselves and their glorious genitalia to the Lord -_-
It’s easy for me to be professional, the tough part is finding the perfect amount of bitchy undertone
"I mean like shit happens" should never be an excuse for anything
Randomize
