Yea, forget your mom. She will be home after her one night stand.
Still workable. Pretty sure i told her i'd eat her out in the woods.
Just made a pepperoni sandwich with cheese, mayo, and pickles. Poverty is like pot, without the happy feeling.
Your lower body and my face have had way too much contact lately.
in my defense i said 'lock up your wives' before going out.
So the chick throws up over the rail from the 15th floor at the sky bar and I knew I would take her back to my hotel.
Mr. Clingalot just ran from our apartment. What the hell?
I started to cry afterward and mumble random things. Examples: "God, please don't make me be so gay anymore" and "my mom is going to be so proud of me for fucking a dude this time." It was that or let him stay the night and cuddle. I mean, fuck that horrible shit I'm a girl that needs her space.
Just so you know, a 6'7" tall gay man, with a martini in one hand and a fairy wand in the other, is not a force to be reckoned with...don't ask.
You left a motherfucking bruise. ON MY TIT. How? How do you even. No.
I seriously doubt I'm gonna be able to properly put your dick in my mouth whilst upside down, but I'm willing to give it my best shot
You are the only lesbian I know that needs plan b
I'd help you out but I got Bacardi and Tequila poured down my snorkel last night and I'm still drunk
Aaaaaaaand dick pic. God bless america, and god bless tinder.
I haven't reeked of cheap beer and poor decisions in months. I officially hate adult life.
Hot fire fighters installing my closet. Don't know how to go about this. Gonna nonchalantly take my shirt off and see what happens..
Randomize
