we got back to my place and he started talking about feelings. i politely told him to leave and that he managed to cock block himself.
If he starts "inventing" things cut him off. The last thing he invented was chocolate chip green beans and he destroyed my kitchen
When I like her vacation photos, it really means "Im sleeping with your boyfriend." wonder if she will make the connection.
trying to line up a DD for St Pats Day. i guarantee i will put out. or puke and pass out. really its 50/50 at this point.
Do you know how hard it is to write about pediatric crohn's when we're trying to figure out the keg situation for graduation?
We couldn't find him for like 4 hours. Turns out he was sitting under a tree and had thrown his phone in a lake because he couldn't figure out how to unlock it. Freshmen.
The dumpster is full of naked people swimming. I'm going to join.
Sorry I need more motivation then McDonalds and mojitos.
I chugged vodka from a 15 ft snorkel. What the fuck did you do with your life today?
This guy smells like mr Rogers puppets and I don't know how to deal with it
New one-upper goal: I have to shit off the side of a moving train then jump off
New drink: empty coke can vodka water maple syrup. Get on my level
I AM AT THE LOUNGE WHERE THEY FILMED THE LAP DANCE IN SHOWGIRLS....IT IS AMAZING
Hahahaha. He sent me a dick snap in the lululemon stockroom. What is life. If this works out, this could benefit everyone....
Do you think he’ll fall in love with me if I tell him I have a nickname for his penis
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