he's sitting on top of the fridge in only a black speedo and wont get down
I wish i could call my weed and hear it ring. That's how i found my phone.
Well I scaled a 3 story building last night to get laid. What have u done for ur penis lately?
Lesbian chick is doing her presentation on the time she woke up on the dockside still drunk at 7 am. This is why I show up to chinese class.
we started pounding beers an hour ago to celebrate our personal snow day tomorrow. vodka shots for u of i's actual decision are on standby.
Heaven was on the 3rd floor and Hell was on the first. When the cop walked up he was confused as to who the noise complaint was for and wrote both apartments a noise violation.
You just said we could build a blanket and pillow "fuck fort." Of course I'm never leaving you.
I just started talking about my sextoy because I wanted things to be normal again.
You live 7 mins away and I'm leaving in 10 mins. At this point sex before work is impossible.
Challenge accepted. Be naked in 6 mins.
You was so high that you insisted that you heard someone whistle, then you insisted they was trapped in the wall!
So my mom wants to hear about my weekend. How do I make licking cupcake frosting off your face while high not sound like just that?
Explain to me how we're not being documented on? A gynecologist I saw two times 8 years ago popped up on my people you may know list on fb. What in the actual fuck?
Lynn just told me "I heard about your divorce. Condoms or morning pill your choice and I'm buying". Sorry but I got plans now bro.
Somewhere on my work laptop I have a map visualizing all the area codes that Ludacris has ho's
I hope that wasn't done on billed time
I can guarantee that it was
Just saw Little Red Riding Hood riding a guy on hood of a car
Good for her for committing to the costume
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