I didn't go out last night, but I dreamed that I blacked out and the *CRAZY* thing I did was to eat 12 cupcakes off 12 diff plates and stack them up neatly. If I had a life, I'd hate it.
saw him outside... he got fatter, i got blonder. the winner is obvious.
I haven't been this hungover since you found me laying in front of your door gagging with pepto bismal tablets scattered around me
IM PICKING UP BLOW FOR US STOP WHINING ABOUT SEX
Watching porn with a bag of marshmallows. Thats when you know you're stoned.
the only way to explain how i feel is someone rolled me down a big fucking hill and then a dog came a took a huge ruthless shit in my mouth at the bottom
looking at my texts from you makes me want to throw up in my pants
Filthy. I need to be power hosed with holy water.
You left your underwear in a sandwich bag on my kitchen counter.
Whoever roofied me last night owes me a new pair of white jeans
you sternly forced jackson to start preheating the oven around midnight so you could make bagels in the morning
you were serious about those bagels
I just had some kinky fun in the back seat of my car behind a Ralph's in south county. How's your thanksgiving eve?
Let's celebrate that I used a condom
I ended up in th ER yelling my height weight and age
I got really worried when i woke up and there weren't any missed booty calls from him between 3 and 5 am. Apparently his gf is in town ...
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