this crazy girl in up in Dennys is going crazy because Bob Saget just texted her.
he told my vagina that he was looking forward to meet it
he farted when he came. not the best ending to my day.
i thought to myself 'what a productive day'. then i realized all ive done is one load of laundry and shaved my balls.
No one knows who he is but he hasn't missed a shot in beer pong yet. He's dressed as lance armstrong and is tearing shit up.
She was crying, alone at a college bar. It would have been rude NOT to try and show my penis to her.
My password hint says "not sunset, also facebook." i need to stop doing computer things while high. I will never figure this clue out.
Mom looked at me, frowned, and said "it makes me sad to see you drink before noon.." So i told her if she doesn't like it she needs to stop waking me up before noon.
He's the conductor of the struggle bus
I RODE THAT FINE PIECE OF STRUGGLE BUS
Not to mention I think lunch is a little inappropriate when our relationship is only based on Mario kart and alcohol so far...
You what they say. One dick in the hand is better than two in the bush
Dude fuck drugs. It's 4am and I'm eating mushroom ravioli fantasizing about jumping on a trampoline
Hey do you or anyone you know want to get drunk for free? At 4pm tonight at rctc for field sobriety training for future cops
You know its an epic night when omar the garbage man gives you a ride home at 6 in the morning.
Get your dick back in here. On Saturdays, you're not allowed to leave my bed unless it's to make me bacon or coffee.
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