you tried to arm wrestle for the title of "mom's favorite son"
It was her 21st and she had one drink and fell asleep. I hate 90lb girls.
just got the results back. i love his dick even more now i know its clean
do you think its obvious that we spent all afternoon playing naked body oil twister?
So then I proceeded to the kitchen to make my "specialty," which consisted of a frozen veggie burger topped with peanut butter. I guess he ate it too.
My cab driver just suggested I brush my teeth because he can smell "the party" on me.
Her idea of a bathing suit is... well.. she might not actually even know what one is. I've only ever seen her in a pool drunk and fully clothed or attempting to get into a pool but tripping over her pants which are at her ankles. Drunk.
It's like a booty call, except its for tacos...and you're my brother.
Dad says your scarf isnt fooling anyone and u look like a douchebag, its literally the perfect time to tell him your gay
It's all fun and games until your AARP eligible neighbors end up blacking out in your yard at 5pm with a box of franzia. I'm feeling a great year ahead
Then that means he's outwardly conservative. Inwardly he's a total gay horndog. He's like a spy that can ruin conservative plans.
I want to change all my life goals to that.
In other news I think my vagina is sunburnt
And now you know why we call him Three-Balls Brad
Last thing I remember at your house last night is your dad leaning on the beer pong table and saying "you guys can fucking party"
I was running because his wife invited me to join them on their kinky Vegas weekend. Crossing state lines is too much commitment for me.
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