new number. flushed my phone last night when i puked, made B help me look for it for 2 hours.
I'm so turned on right now it's fucking stupid. I hate burger king commercials
just got drunk at a party with Christmas themed solo cups.. holidays are officially here.
I just made a moltov cocktail out of lubricant and a christmas bulb. The fire is still going strong. MERRY CHRISTMAS
i wanted to tell my neighbors to shut up it was 4am, but listening to her rag on him for his minute man routine was actually entertaining
I wish a night of watching Dear John and a bottle of wine could cure my herpes.
The key to alley sex is drunkeness.
If i theoretically had to put an iv back in what do I need to do?
We talk about tequila and blow jobs the way that normal people talk about the news and the weather.
June 16th my calendar just says boobietassels....I can only assume that has to do with you
You fucked that MILF against my car!
How would you know?
She scratched her name into my window with her bigass wedding ring. btw she wants you to call her
Besides, I'm booked tomorrow. I'm planning on drinking heavily and crying in the bath.
She fucked the dishwasher AND the manager.
Well, she isn't a classist. You've got to give her that.
he's trapped himself under a bed and is screaming at a robot dog to give him a blowjob
I woke up and there was a huge blow up palm tree in my bed...
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