If a fat man falls in the shower and nobody is in the apartment, does his pride still hurt? Answer: yes
i just assumed he broke up with her because she wasn't a freshman anymore
I cant help but queef when the male extremity enters
What is a male extremity?
i didnt realize it was that long since you've had sex
I'm destined to be knocked up by a sailor
i am devastated. she was DTF and I was about to puke, i told her to wait outside my room for a second. Puked. Passed out woke up, she was gone. Found puke stains on my keyboard that seem to spell out youporn....
I'm at the airport and there's a guy wearing all camoflash to go hunting .. Should I bump in to him and say woahh sorry didn't see you there?
You sprayed lysol all over me. You said that my soberness was infecting your night.
All I want to do is get high and needlepoint. Fuck your judgement
Hungover, threw up in a cosmetic case in my car this morning. This is real life.
All I've done for this 11 hour car ride is kegel and listen to our sex playlist so your dick better be good and ready
I definitely think you should enjoy one last spring break being a sorostitute before you get serious and settle down with price charming. I mean hes not going to be there any way. he can wait a week.
Long story short, I found someone who takes me seriously when I say I have a Shakespeare kink.
Date with Air Force guy was nice btw. And for my next trick I'll talk him into fucking me in his fighter jet at 30,000 ft.
The only reason you haven't shit yourself yet is because you don't like having fun.
Still drunk, heading to class.
It's 3 a.m. Dude
Doesn't mean I'm not at my desk. Ill wait.
Randomize
