i just looked up and i was like omg ballsack and then i didnt know what to do
A disheveled girl in front of me just looked down, shrieked, and yelled to the girl next to her "what is this" while pointing at two large white stains near the crotch of her black jeans. I love that Thursdays are weekends, it makes awesome Friday mornings
Day 5 without masturbation. Fat chicks are back on the table
The look I see on guys faces when they realize my nipples are pierced remind me of when my mom used to come home from the grocery store and surprise me with poptarts.
He's drinking red wine in a margarita glass. He couldn't be more perfect for me.
I have a cup of vodka in my bathroom with a straw in it. Yes, I am ready for this bikini wax.
Everybody knows the last week of summer internships include showing up to the office hammered and hitting on the CEO
Sex last night was mind blowing. your wife is one lucky lady.
Just had a 10 minute long conversation with my cat about how if I died, and he needed to eat me to live, I'd totally be ok with it. Definitely still drunk.
So feel off my bed lastnight into the trashcan. On the plus side i thought under my bed was a cave and i went exsploring
My boss just high fived me after finding out i made it through lunch rush rolling on molly. To think this guy used to terify me.
She sleeps with her hand around my balls. First I thought it was just a comfort thing. Now I think it's to make sure I can't slip away in the middle of the night.
On a Thurs night I found myself drunk in a limo w 9 dudes on my way to a strip club. Once there I was handed $100 in ones and told "spend it." I need a husband. Or Jesus.
I'm adopting to save the world from the moral outrage that would be my offspring
I'm really tired of this guy walking his chicken in my neighborhood.
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