i miss vodka and anonymity. college is so rich in both. in college we are a many armed creature, lubricated with beer and sex.
I had just got her shirt off when I realized that I was about to fuck Chewbacca from Star Wars. The way she moaned confirmed that I was.
you can't get genital warts from dogs can you?
I fell asleep with crest white strips on and ate one...
Watching marley and me... this girls got me whipped man
Peed in a church parking lot last night. As if Jesus didnt hate me enough already.
Damn it if I pass out in the bathroom one more time this month im going to rehab...
it would be nice to just get drunk, not hook up with anyone, and not die this weekend
All I can remember is being told by a guy named Kyle to stay in the corner until the cops left. Then waking up on a porch outlined in beer cans 8 blocks from my house. Pregaming for college.
Ps this homeless dude just came in hotel bar w a sword sticking out his jumpsuit trying to buy a drink w a 3rd party check
Send me one of your boob pics as an example. I mean this in the straightest least lesbian way possible.
I'm so tired I just poured monster in my coffee.
And it tastes incredible.
And I have chest pains.
There is an alarming amount of food in my bra.
Sometimes you just gotta get high and go to a planetarium. Why can't he understand that?
Sometimes I wish I could tell all my past/present hookups what the nicknames that my friends and I have assigned them.
Randomize
