id tell you what to do, but my morals dont exactly scream, "Listen to this guy!"
she asked me if I wanted a handjob on the haunted mansion ride at Disney. was I suposed to say no?
You named all of the cocktail shrimps and then tackled a guy for "eating Henry"
i'm at a party where swedish girls are dumping laundry detergent on each other because it glows in blacklight. this is awesome
I just made a moltov cocktail out of lubricant and a christmas bulb. The fire is still going strong. MERRY CHRISTMAS
We just built a bong out of a pineapple. I am never leaving hawaii. Ever.
Im surprised putting the throwing knife "dartboard" next to the door didnt end up worse
Almost screamed "GO FISH MOTHER FUCKER" at the girl I nanny today. Drunken card games shouldn't bleed into my sober life.
They're tearing apart the house I lost my virginity in:(
I have a big to do list for you. Number 1 - me. Number 2 - drink wine 3. Talk my ears off. 4. Me again
I think I broke my hip playing drunk ping pong
He just ate a tooth whitening strip...
So, random question. How much should you tip a Lyft driver when you realized you've fucked his sister? Asking for a friend.
He started humming a moment like this when I was taking off his pants.
The one time I decide to bring people over you are laying naked on the coffee table watching the ceiling fan cause "it just moves so fast" I'm guessing you got paid today??
Randomize
