please pick me up with an explanation of why i shacked in a trailer with a guy who doesnt have a car.
yeah seriously, fuck school. I'm changing my master's thesis question from "what are the neuropsychological correlates of antisocial personality" to "will my cat drink this beer"
God you better not be texting me after just having sex with someone from craigslist
Do you think he woke up this morning, looked at you, and then regretted everything?
My niece just called my sister in law a teabagger. I love NPR and it's corrupting influence on small children
Did he make you just lay your head next to his cock and talk to it again?
He put used condom on the handle of the plunger in the bathroom.
I think the pivotal moment was when we used the see and say as a drinking game with shots of whiskey. It was all downhill after that.
He just invited me over to bang on a sunday afternoon. If I can make it top the time I went to a strip club on fathers day then I'll consider it a success.
Was behind a guy going 20 for 4 miles I'll be there as soon as the universe quits fucking me
Let's buy some Wrangler jeans and be real live men.
I'm basically your average "grandpa stuck in a 28 year old woman's body" - i'm super passionate about retirement and crossing on the walk signal.
and SLEEP god I love sleep
Well, I woke up on a roll-away, with a knot in the back of my head and penis confetti stuck to me. Also, I apparently literally gave the shirt off my back right before I passed out, so I was topless. Vegas won this trip.
I think he knows I took a picture of him. Why I don't get punched in the face more often is anyone's guess.
Should I apologize for the loud sex I had in his living room? Because I'm not going to.
Definitely not.
Randomize
