Pregnant stripper...not hot.
I feel like i'm in "To Catch a Predator - The Musical"
You graduated two years ago... You can't keep using spring break as an excuse.
do you think a sharp knife would stab through a cheese suit?
that's like... drinking popov and saying its the worlds best vodka. you gotta try some others first. THERE SHOULD BE A MISS AMERICA PAGEANT. but like, mr penis. and they can do tricks and make unintelligent remarks and wear sparkly condoms.
Wingman of the year award. I made out with her gay roommate in order for you to get laid. Better have been good.
The gay roommate was probably better than her. Consider yourself lucky.
I was on my way last night when some asshole yelled "make better life choices" out the window of his car. I felt so self conscious I went home.
I was trying to get everyone to go to the bar but I puked on my hands, so nobody took me seriously.
Good news. That bum you thought that died is alive.
They were arguing about who would hit the piñata first so naturally you tore it open with your hands. You broke the piñata and their hearts.
There's no such thing as shame in your world, is there?
My mom just asked if I've gotten any girls pregnant how is your day going
Is it possible for mice to climb? If so I think mice are climbing into my bed in the night and playing with my hair..
I just sent him a message bearing my soul about how much he means to me as a friend and his first response is "are you drunk?"
Shit like this is why I'm a bitch to everyone.
sarahs drunk and is drawing dinosaurs all over the apartment. should i stop her?
whats she drawing them with?
eyeliner
no that's ok
Randomize
