Brogan sounds similar to Bridget...sorta.
Every girl's name is automatically translated to "Baby/Milk Carrier" in my brai
Just saw a man being put through a dui test on the side of the road... it was noon and he was on a bicycle. God bless texas.
I just negotiated a blow job for an interview.
It never makes you rethink your life choices when you're breaking into my apartment at 3 am to take a piss in my kitchen sink?
ARE YOU GOING TO SACRIFICE YOUR LIFE FOR MCDONALDS HASHRBOWNS
You are going to be so proud of me, I'm wearing underwear AND tights. That's two layers more than usual between my vagina and the world.
When someone comes out of your vagina and stomps on your dreams, you'll understand.
it went ok. then he slept in a parking lot and took me out for a picnic the next day. boys are confusing.
He made me cum 4 times, we high fived afterwards and then I proceeded to tell him about this guy I'm dating whilst I made him a bacon sandwich. I think we've finally mastered being friends with benefits.
Instead of getting a taxi some gay black guy drove us home. He is trying to break into the taxi business
Way to promote small business.
I'm beer bonging chocolate fondue. That's how my Valentines Day is going.
I put xanax in the cake batter
Did you really? It all makes sense now.
dont you DARE use my tequila influenced words against me
Who the fuck just called me and played funkytown
It started with drunk jenga and ended with me simultaneously peeing and puking on his feet in the tub while he held me up. I met Tequila. I don't like her.
Randomize
