half the nation just spent an hour watching a balloon fly around. we are officially the dumbest fucking country.
well most of my day revolves around power hour
i'd date him for the sole reason that he thanks me after giving him head
I drank almost a whole fifth last night. Woke up with blood everywhere wearing a "stereotype this" tshirt. How fitting
Walk of Shame time yet?
Dude she's 6"2, blonde and on the cheerleading team. I look like Seth Rogen's fatter, unfunny brother. What shame am I supposed to be feeling?
I can get orange kush...
GET IT NOW! WHY IS THERE A DOT DOT DOT?!
They normally just get fucked up and see who can hold their hand on the exhaust the longest. It's great
Casually had to file a missing persons report last night
You don't have a penis so I'm not texting you at this hour. This is penis texting hour only.
I'm drunk, we're losing, and I'm in the visitors stands. This is about to get ugly.
Oh btw I learned how to say "my penis is a flamethrower" in German. Tonights gonna be fun
I was mid hand job and stopped me because he wanted to "connect" which meant putting his thumb in between my eyebrows and a hand over my heart and closing our eyes...
If you need to be the damsel in drunken distress make sure it's before 3.
Putting plan B on my parents credit card wasn't the smartest idea
She won't let me meet her hot new boy toy just because she thinks it'll lead to us having a threesome. It's not fair. I thought we were friends...
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