He finally told me that he's married. I guess it doesn't really matter.
my house keeper must think I'm a prostitute.
He went through and tagged himself on my crotch in all of my facebook pics
Deffinety need to stop having sex on the beach just took a dump and it was mostly sand
Just hide your weed in your baby brothers shirt. TSA wont check a baby, thats fucked up
Hairspray is covering 85% of my body. Help.
Wait until you see the roof.
We're drinking vodka. Wine is for people who have to wake up in the morning.
I literally told her "she's a sandwich I'd like to make" and that's all it took
Hello and welcome to the game 'Matt needs weed'! Rules are simple: first one to find a bag wins the fabulous prize of getting stoned with yours truly. Thank you for playing and good luck!!
Definitely broke my toe and messed up my knee walking back. Drink hitch hiking should never happen again.
Do you think casino weekend will remind us once again that we in fact are not mature enough to be this old?
For me the most fucked up part of last night was that I know for a fact that you were sober. But your dancing was a close second.
I'm constantly crying, and now I start crying every time I masturbate which is a fun development.
You were in no condition to manage a 3-way.
Its 9 am & i've been cleaning for 6 hours now with occasional crying bursts and two cocktails. Adulting 101.
Randomize