I'd rather drink alone in my closet than hang out with that girl
Tonight was like the Noah's Ark of alcohol. I had to have two of everything.
It took me four clicks to get to 2009 on his profile. This can't work.
Why the fuck did you text me at 4 in the morning telling me not to have sex with the bird?
Succesfully slept on the roof at work for 3.5 hours without getting caught. I need a promotion
What's the best way to say, "it's too early in our relationship to leave me at your place alone"? Steal something?
My liver is begging me not to go, but sadly enough for him my feet and hands control me getting there.
I still regret not being there for your blackout into the dumpster last year
this weekend took five years off my life and what was left of my dignity
Didn't realize he fucked me in a bed a dog is always in until my face swelled two sizes and I had hives all over my body. This is God's way of punishing me for having amazing sex.
I am officially in a love triangle with my celebrity crush
I woke up and finished the bottle like a champ
I wasn't that gone.
Dude, you cried and said how sorry you were when we asked why you had the dip.
I need you to sex the hangover out of me again.
you asked me how to turn on the ladder
Randomize
