I will also inform you that stairs change when you change a house. Those hurt.
she told me she sucks everyone's dick but mine because mine is too big and "hard to suck" i need to reevaluate the girls i fall in love with.
I've never heard a "this is the reason why i dont suck your cock" explanation go in that direction
I really like you, but I want to get to know you on a time when I am not at drugs.
I'm making presurgery martini's. You need to be here.
I had a dream she was puking on me, but sadly in real life she was puking on me too
rumor has it I kept asking you to go to the "tall grass" with me...sorry about that.
I just put on my phone calendar to remind me of my final child support payment in 2029
I ran into him drunk, barefoot, at rite aid and he said I looked "stunning." Yeah, Stunningly shitfaced haha
The only thing I had in my freezer before today was patron and cheese.
Monday funday. I brushed my teeth with antibacterial soap. hangover I did not have.
I'm sorry I've been mean recently but tbh it really turns me on seeing you cry so it might happen a lot..... You're a pretty crier I don't get it
And he claims I gave him “fuck me” eyes while he was ordering me a happy meal
She's nice. But even when I am with her I am thinking of her mom, literally the hottest woman on earth.
Ya that dick wasn't worth burning a perfectly good pizza.
You live and learn.
right after that u started calling me g-force and started trying to bellyslide down his drive way
Randomize
