If they ask for a stool sample we r no longer friends.
Drinking in an igloo changes everything.
the fucking easter bunny is here. he just made 3 cups in a row. no one knows who he is..
I love drunk self when he leaves a prepacked bong for the morning... in the bathroom.
It's chlamydia! Thank God!
There's a 24 hour period after giving head where you can't eat penis shaped food without me laughing at you
I'm calling into work with a wicked case of sledge hammer crotch. She has to understand
i just won "most creative" category in the condom contest in human sexuality by licking it onto a cucumber. my feedback forms included three phone numbers, one with a Magnum XL taped to it
Just saw him riding in a basket on the front of a bike trying to feed the other guy beer. He screamed 'PARTY BIKE BITCHES!' at me as they rode past.
I lied. He's hitting on a drag queen now. Should I rescue him or take pictures?
I think the solution to your phobia is an open relationship with your dildo. about the same responsibility as a pet rock
Breakfast Clubbing as Juggalos. I can feel our IQs in freefall.
Do you think kicking my coke habit is a good personal goal to put down on the evaluation form?
But I don't wanna live with them bc I need to be able to walk around naked and sex on any surface guilt free.
Actually, lets be honest. I will probably keep calling him the pastor because it brings me joy using pastor and fuck buddy in the same sentence.
He literally stole all the change that was on my floor and ran away while I was peeing. I have to rethink my standards.
Randomize
