He's marrying her, which means that she is his most important person in the world, so you gotta deal with it...okay?
I want to be a jewelry store heckler. "Hey man, is she really worth it"
dude that girl has seen more cock ends then weekends
He made me pinky-promise that he gave me an orgasm.
She thought I was gay, so I told her I'd be more comfortable with anal. She agreed.
update: last drink of the night and im naked in my porch hammock. life is good.
He played the same pre-sex songs as his brother...
He's sweet and rough. A wonderful contradiction. He's the starburst of sex.
I wish I could have seen the drive thru woman's face after " May I please have 20 Mcflurrys.....and a large diet coke, I'm trying to watch my weight for bikini season."
The only things in my fridge are almond milk, Smirnoff Ice and chicken noodle soup. I'd say I've done mama proud.
I'm eating a subway sandwich in the bathtub because I don't want to move. God bless boys from Brooklyn
I'm eating cheesecake with my hands completely naked while falling asleep
He just stopped me mid blow job so he could text his wife asking for TacoBell.
Girl I'm contemplating picking up some adult diapers. That's how bad this is and it's only day 2.
So hypothetically speaking.. say someone dropped their birth control pill in a hot bowl of soup, and it possibly disintegrated.. would it be just as useful?
Randomize
