I could have mohawked her pubes.
i cant do it anymore.. every time this girl orgasms she sounds like a motorcycle
i'm glad we've gotten to the point in our relationship where I can eat peach rings off your penis.
We decided to cut you off after you insisted on eating peanuts by the dumpster
I want nothing more to get stoned and go to your little sisters petting zoo party but I need to have priorities
You got cut off after you tried to make the dog funnel moscato.
my parents decided to start a new christmas tradition. we will now be drinking champagne while opening presents, and we each get our own bottle
3 for 3 on getting girls who say "yolo" at the bar to have anal. Not the motto I live by, but it has changed my life.
Erry day erry day!
Oh shit. My drunken car sex is on Google Earth.
do you ever look at a card in your wallet and reminisce about all of the drugs youve done with it?
Somehow his homemade liquor activated memories of my semester abroad three years ago. I ended up yelling random medical advice in German, while my roommates played dress-up with the cat stoned out of their minds. I consequently gave up on dating. Back in the ONS game.
Can we talk about how i drunkenly changed the timezone on my phone last night and just showed up to work an hour early
I'm going to talk him into letting me tie him up, and then just leave him that way and go meet you for fro-yo.
I KEEP THINKING INAPPROPRIATE SEXUAL THOUGHTS ABOUT YOU AND I AM SORRY.
how do do this?
do what? Keep standing? Choose between 2 guys?
keep making boys cry?
Randomize