Chris' response to jim throwing up was taking off his shirt and saying WHO WANTS A BONER
she was so wasted that she tried to tuck me in and read the jokes on the taco bell sauce as a bed time story
At best buy, little boy just crawled into my stall while i was taking a shit
I was giving him a handjob and he commented that he loved my nailpolish....I'm destined to die a fag hag
He's eating a cream cheese sandwich. He's obviously distressed.
Also: how drunk is your brother? He just left me a message as batman.
Carry on my wayward bro, there'll be beer when you get low. lay your neon tank to rest, dont you rage no more.
The cops just showed up and arrested her. It's our 2nd date. Do I have to hang out her with her 3 kids until she makes bail or can I leave?
I think it's starting to become crucial that I find a companion for my vagina.
Volunteering at a homeless shelter a bum asked if he could lick me cause I still reeked of whiskey. Being a bumsickle=epic hangover
There's hot sauce all over my mirror, lamp shade and dresser. Also it's your turn for weed
you know, i'm always afraid you're going to think i only want you for sex because i only text you when i'm horny
speaking of, guess what i'm thinking about
Wore a burger king crown while giving head still drunk this morning #blessed
Did I really make a PSA to that garage party that you wanted to bang him?
You gave a whole fucking speech. It was inspiring.
She woke up, peed in the sink and then passed out again, it's only 2 in the afternoon
Randomize
