She told me she only masterbates to Kenny Rogers songs.
OMG. What did u say?
I told her I did too.
Dude has a bag of wine attached to his belt. These guys don't fuck around.
finally cleaned my dorm for the first time all year. bleach is awesome.
Theres also beggin' strips and a dog bone in the corner...nooo signs of there being a dog though.
Toga everclear = hospital visit... Im sure the paramedics hate me right now
on the list of things i learned today that are not stripper poles: ex-boyfriends, table legs, and police officers.
No work today. I woke up and someone had written "Markhot Penis = Party" on my forehead in sharpie. Do you know a Mark?
Were you drinking last night?
Because typically I don't associate the phrase 'Go sleepy time' with sobriety.
I didn't think it was possible but he dislocated his thumb during intercourse last night then cried
This is gonna be the kind of weekend where if it involves putting on pants, it ain't happening.
Were you the one who yelled "FOR GLORYHOLE!" then punched a hole through my door?
Woke up, bank account is empty. Sock is still full of blood. Nothing in my pockets but a wireless mic and jenga pieces.
I woke up this morning to find my closet lacking 98% of my clothes and a text from my male roommate saying your dresses squeeze my genitals
YOU ATE THE FUCKING GOLDFISH!?
only 4 hours until nug lovin time
excuse me?
nug lovin. lovin nugs.
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