why do they call them blowjobs? ....unless i'm doing it wrong?
well i just set every background of each phone in the verizon store to my face
Dude, she's just using you for your money, and Cavs tickets.
Honestly, what else do I have going for me?
You make a valid point.
sorry for making everyone realize you look like bruce jenner
you can't just make up for the fact that you broke up with me by tagging yourelf in my embarrassing facebook videos of you
Does peppermint hummus sound good or am I just high?
We had three bowls going. It was a tri-bowl tournament. Harry potter shit.
No matter how drunk I am or how drunk I'll ever be I love you
She gatecrashed the wedding and managed to get an invite to the open bar reception. Lucky bitch
You yelled to anyone that tried to help you "I have a burrito, what else could a girl want?"
As long as you keep bringing fries home, i'll keep being naked when you get home
I told myself I'd stop after three shots of fireball. Haha HA hA.
I just ate cream cheese straight for my dog
I'm afraid to ask what that means
I just got promised sex at a fire station tonight so basically all my porn star dreams are coming true.
Is she blowing you? I'm in the closet.
Randomize
