Im gonna name my vag after egypt, "the valley of kings"
all he gave me for my birthday was sperm
at least its a homemade gift
can we please take bets on how much therapy you'll need in the future?
Last night the nurse at the ER told me that she wished all her drunk patients were like me. Then she commented on my socks...
Pretty certain he passed out for a while going down on me. Absolutely certain he passed out during the blow job.
We were showing our tits to everyone because it's breast cancer awareness month and we care deeply
I thought we were doing it cause it's Tuesday
It took me 3 tries to get up the front steps. They kept me motivated by waving taco bell just out of my reach. Surprisingly effective.
What the fuck is wrong with your family? Why do you have unfrosted pop tarts.
You told her that she shouldn't be allowed to wear clothes then when her roommate asked if you like her you said "no I just want to insert things into her"
I stand by it.
Some crack addled fool from the sketch ass motel behind the restaurant just gave me a flyer for an AA group when I was on my smoke break. I don't do mornings
But seriously, I love you and you are a good person and I'll get you some ecstasy
there's a 50/50 chance the night will end in alcohol-induced rituals of satanic nature
I am mentally ready for anal.
You're a wizard. You are a master of disguise. You are beautiful. I love you.
You know you started drinking too early in the day when you have a hangover at midnight
thats called having FUN
Randomize
