I knew we were gonna fuck after she told me she's seen that Porno before
apparently when the FedEx truck drove by, we tried to chase it down thinking they were delievering a 30 pack...great night.
In Denver there are more bars per capita than any other city also the healthiest city. That means lots of drunk girls and no fatties.
You know who really doesn't like surpise in-your-face air guitar solos? Strangers.
I gave him 3 xanax and recorded the ball drop. He's gonna think tonight is New Years.
I totally just stopped for a booty call on the way to my parents for easter....good friday is an understatement
Thanks for fucking me in last night
TUCKING. TUCKING ME IN LAST NIGHT
So yeah, don't be alarmed when you come home after work to find me eating cookie dough out of a margarita glass with a knife and watching The Little Mermaid. It's been one of those days.
I seriously have her in my phone as "Legit 8"...even I'm surprised
I thought my sex drive was gone but let me tell you it is back with a vengeance
Last night when I blacked out, I ate Chef Boyardee. I never want to be that drunk ever, ever again.
He just showed up in boxer briefs and loafers with only his phone and condoms
I love you as a roommate, but you GOTTA start using the door dude..
He's eating me out right now. That's how bad he is.
But I think I successfully seduced her with my alias.
Randomize
