Small Doughy Asian men and sleeveless hoodies with nothing underneath do not mix well.
Sounds like the climatic scene of my favorite erotic novel.
oh, and bring over your fire extinguisher. we're gonna get the mailman again
Well we ran into the cornfields when the cops got there. We'd been hiding in there for 45 mins when he asks me "So this wasn't exactly how I'd planned this but I thought I'd ask. How do you feel about oral sex?"
It's all fun and games until the last slice of pizza gets bong water spilled on it.
I just slapped my cat in the face with my dildo. You were the only one I could tell.
He probs deserved it.
Every good man does.
I feel like I would bang a guy with a dick piercing just to say I have...like climbing a huge mountain or somethig
And if it was a miscarriage you should figure out whose it was. He must be an alphamale for his offspring to sustain life this long in the amusement park that is your body
I love your family. Oh. And on a completely unrelated note, I know where we can steal a dog.
Liver, I have supported you for 18 fucking years. Pull your weight for ONE NIGHT and detoxify this alcohol.
Can you check on Mike in the bathroom. It's been like 20 min.
He's fine. He's just standing at the trash can in line for another beer from the keg. Nbd.
Is the Chairman of the College Republicans throwing upon your toilet right now? 'Murica!
I've sent two unsolicited tit pictures in less than 24 hours. I'm the female version of a fuckboy.
Stoned. Scared. Bring pool noodle and onion rings.
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score one for mom.
If history is any guide, his morals are no match for my tits
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