is it bad that while shopping i looked specifically for clothes that hold their form after taking them off and putting them on again and again?
Reason #437 to hate Louisiana: Just went to the public bathroom at work. It was so humid the toilet seat was damp and sticky. Either it's the humidity or I sat in somebody's yesterday piss. I choose to believe the humidity.
he said 'i want to be the peanut butter to your jelly, just without the crust' and then tried to take me shirt off
And then I saw the naval officer and gave up that whole new leaf thing
we walked in to her beating him with a broom while he was trying to sweep ramen into a box. there were packing peanuts everywhere.
I will probably be peed on at some point today.
She was mid-sentence and then BOOM the hammock broke off the tree. I about pissed myself. Hot Sprite and Vodka make the world go round.
The world is my kaleidiscope. I see whatever the alcohol wants me to.
Attention ladies coming to the party tonight! Tonight will be another chance to win the 5 bucks for getting my cousin hard. Bring your a-game, no one has been able to overcome the whiskey dick yet. Good luck.
Could someone please explain the rug burn on the right side of my face and do I need a shot of penicillin?
Thankfully US customs doesnt have a checkbox for bringing semen into the country because my hair would still be in CDC quarantine
WHY THE FUCK DID I HAVE TO FALL IN LOVE WITH A CONVICT
On a scale from 1 to total dick, how inappropriate is it to pick your boyfriend up from rehab with a hangover?
#tbt to when you let me put plastic wrap on your balls and hum a little song
I know I joke about running from my problems a lot but I'm 3 miles off-campus and need a ride
Randomize
