Do you know that poor pathetic girl that we should be friends with
Idk. We dropped acid and Kevin ran away again. We didn't find him for like 3 hours.
Man I wish I had been there
Yah we found him in the pool shed of some elderly couple. They were on the porch watching all of the shenanigans. ...To be young again.
You took my girl thats shot the Fuck out. You better watch your skinny ass.
That's barely a sentence. Who's your girl? I think you've got the wrong number. I haven't even lived in Alabama for 4 years.
Yeah, I do, I'm sorry. I meant 205 not 256. sorry about that.
Good luck with your revenge in Birmingham.
When he brought me into his room he showed me his James Bond calendar and matching sheets, and then told me that his goal in life is to be James Bond….epic fail. Mission Impossible. I was scared to take off his boxers to find out that they were also James Bond themed.
RUN LIKE YOUR JAMES BOND
Life lesson: when driving and throwing up, choose a paper bag over plastic. Fuck my life.
He's like the fucking Houdini of bras. Not only did I not feel him take it off I didn't find it until two days later.
Life is so much better when you know you're gonna get laid soon.
Well now I have my semen on her headphones
It's like a bag of dicks covered in taint sweat pounding a pregnant baby walrus.
With the drought our water bill is skyrocketing. No more shower sex, masturbating, or pretending to be under a water fall after smoking a blunt.
Bacon Cheddar rum burgers are as great as they sound. I knew that 100 proof Captain would be good for something other than vomit.
My hands always smell like pizza crust when im hungover.
It takes a special friend to go vibrator shopping with
Yes. It does.
I just want to return to LA when the weed and dick is plentiful.
I spent half an hour sculpting my pubes into a perfect triangle of really short hair, and the first thing he said when he saw it was "Don't you think you need a shave?"
Randomize
