Dude im not sure whos apartment i woke up in but i just showered here and their shampoo in phenomenal
he's downstairs watching tv with my family... I called the home line so my mom could bring me my make up bag cause my real face would prob make him delete my number
I tried exercising today. I ended up masturbating to the Wii fit trainer.
I am going to be fat forever.
All I can remember is being told by a guy named Kyle to stay in the corner until the cops left. Then waking up on a porch outlined in beer cans 8 blocks from my house. Pregaming for college.
Should I tell him the real reason I was in the hospital, or should I just keep him thinking the side effect he thought was in for was allergy related, not I just miscarried the child I didn't know we were having?
6 beers and it feels like I've been drinking water... Daiquiri time
Of course I will... FYI I just gave my balls a crew cut.
Its a holy bong. We had to bless the holy bong water.
How much do souls cost? I feel like I need one if those.
Drank your wedding present. Sorry
Adulthood is weird i just cleared a check larger than my gross income from 2011 but i also just did coke during my lunch break
I'm like 'WOMAN, YOU'RE 62, RESHEATH THOSE COUGAR CLAWS.'
The moment when you go to plug in someone else's phone in your car and your lube is in the way. Don't mind that it's just my center console car lube. Normal.
Pretty sure I got pink eye from the strip club. There is also still beer cans rattling around in my shower.
You were staring right at you dick at the urinals, then looked at all the other guys dicks and fist pumped saying "I win!"
Randomize
