She can't keep using her latex allergy as an excuse to go bareback with everyone.
he screamed my twitter name while we were having sex.
we turned dreidel into a drinking game. i kept landing on gimel. im glad we have 7 more nights of this
He's doing the 1:45AM lap: he goes around the bar, finds the hottest crying girl 15 minutes before close, and brings her home. I would feel bad for the girls if it wasn't such incredible genius.
Exactly how does jacking off in my purse count as a 'early christmas present'?
sorry about having a shotput competition with your microwave, seemed like a good idea at the time
This whole night would have been avoided if the liquor store had air heads
You were in subway at 3am showing everyone your tan lines
let's be real here, you have a beautiful vagina. this kid is a doctors son. that's a remedy for beautiful rich grandkids. he is just trying water his family tree, and make sure he doesn't end up in some piece of shit adult home. go for it.
That awesome feeling when you are pooping on the same toilet that nobel laureates have pooped on
Yea I've gotten enough hickeys in my life to know what I'd look like with a neck tattoo. I think I'm getting a neck tattoo.
I got custody of our girlfriend in the breakup.
Well I just woke up to no pants, Gatorade on the headboard along with an uneaten steak, and the instinct I was a giant asshole.
I'm sorry I missed your birthday brunch. If it makes you feel any better I woke up wearing someone else's toga and a sombrero
one week and then i'm back on the sexual grind. a party is being planned in my vagina's honor
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